i wish i was right here right now. more than almost anything.
i wish i was right here right now. more than almost anything.
i am so loved.
winter now. we are older,
we understand the importance
of silence. where no snow can fall,
our secrets will betray us.
even still, i must tell you this;
i’m swallowing stars, illuminating
worn-rock caverns, lighting the
passageways to where you could steal
my heart.
i have always wanted to be a painting by camille pissarro.
you were born an ocean-child,
sea foam bubbling from your lips,
crested waves of hair
and when the woman placed
you in my arms i was
blind and deafened
intoxicated with the roar
of the waves and my shame.
i saw my (& your) capacity for deceit
in your wandering eyes,
flirtatious,
curious to take in everything,
an ever-present reminder
of my own, for when zeus came
instead of your father,
i liked it
and i have always hated you for it.
it wasn’t supposed to come to this.
one night, a chance to forget
and lose our selves and fears
in a tumbled heap of limbs and lust and what,
in our younger and less vulnerable days,
we might have called love.
i was not one of those girls who
need men like they need oxygen -
and i suppose that is still true
but i do wear your sweater when
i am alone, its’ fibers woven
with the dark deep moss and
spicy earth of you. your heartbeat
races (or is it mine?) and i
curl up smaller inside it just
the way your hand engulfs mine.
and i was furious the night
that i missed the weight
of your head resting in the
hollow of my stomach and i thought
‘well, maybe this is love’
but i couldn’t tell you.
and we sigh, we sing
of things that we should speak of
but we are too old for lies and
too new, too uneasy with the tangling
rhythms of our words our hips and lips
and these fever dreams.i hate hearing people talk about wanting that one perfect moment in their lives.
i can’t remember the last time i went through a day without at least one perfect moment.
are they wrong or am i?